"She Says"
a journey of discovery
Wayne Nelson

I was beavering away on a proposal and answered a phone call.

"I took your Group Facilitation course on Saturday and Sunday" she says.

This was Tuesday morning.

"Cool - coaching with someone fresh from the course", I think.

I like that sort of thing - helping people with methods and design and preparing them to facilitate.

"I'm the team leader for a community mental health service. I have this workshop coming up", she says.

"Tough challenges - 4 more or less autonomous teams in 4 locations need to come up with some common core programs and become a team and create strategies", she says.

She told me all about the changes at the hospital and the requirements of the Ministry of Health and I rolled my eyes. I was taking furious notes and checking the calendar because I really didn't know what she wanted yet.

"Very fractious and difficult group." she says.

"History of problems and this pressure makes it worse", she says. I was busy thinking about what kind of design to suggest to her and I had even come up with an outline.

"I think I’m ready for her", I say to myself.

"I need someone to facilitate this workshop."

I knew I was the only option and really, I did want to do it. I thought of this earlier and looked it up on the calendar while she was taking me through the spaghetti of Ministry directives. I don't do my best work with this kind of client and I know it - how very well I know it. (The "I" was looming as a very large part of the picture.) I was busy as hell – five projects on the go and I had my seat belt fastened on my computer chair – Yearly planning coming up. So I wriggled around, trying to talk her into doing it herself.

" I can coach you through it" I say.

I knew I could too, but mostly I didn't want to do a bad job. OK - - OK, I was a little scared that I wouldn't connect with these people.

"I'm their boss", she says.

"I can't do it", she says.

"I'm too close." she says.

"They won't talk freely and their plans will be empty."

I had already figured this out from other things she has said. I knew I couldn’t really say no anyway. I didn’t really want to say know, but I still had some reservations.

"OK, when do you want to do this?" I say.

"OK" she says and I'm hooked and booked. 2 days in December.

"Can't be that tough - pretty straight stuff" I say to myself.

"I can probably do this if I just stick to the fundamentals. No behind the back passes or ally-oop dunks", I say to myself.

So I ask more questions and make my plan - full symphony orchestration - - in four part harmony with full notation and lots of diagrams with circles and arrows and highlighting - like something from Alice’s Restaurant. I think it will work and I let go - a little. It's all right there.

It's a 3 hour drive and I stay in a lovely Victorian house turned into a bed and breakfast. I relax. I don't really know what these people need to become anyway. It's not up to me I say to myself and I relax a bit more. I'm sure they will be able to figure it out - I'll just keep asking questions.

I arrive early - of course. There is no one there - of course. I set up the room, draw flip chart pages (with the circles and arrows) for the introduction and wait. They filter in - my contact person last and late – of course.

"OK" she says and we begin around the table.

" What do you need from this session together?" I ask.

"Holy Mackerel, this plan might just work." I'm thinking as they respond.

We're off. Not bad.

"What's your mandate?" I ask.

"Who are your clients?" A Focused Conversation - a real classic - four beats to the bar.

"What do you want to see going on 5 years from now? " I ask.

They create their vision – it’s working – no wrinkles.

"What values do you want to guide you?"

"What is your purpose?"

"What major challenges will you need to face to reach your vision?" I ask.

I check myself - I relaxed inside while I wasn't paying attention. I found myself relaxed, but still poised for movement. I'm just asking questions. (I could feel the "I" that is concerned with being somebody receding.)

"Going well!" she says.

I'm feel like I'm hardly there, but it's working - I think to myself. We reflect at the close of the day.

"This is all fine, but we need some changes in the plan" they say.

"We have to get more specific", they say.

"We are so freaked out that we can't see hardly a year into the future. Never mind 3 to 5." they say.

"Fine, no problem" I say. (Realizing now that I'm only a conduit.)

Another symphony - 4 part harmony with full notation. Recreating process as process plays itself out is, after all, what I do; I tell myself.

So I go back for the second day – more practical questions this time

"Who are we and what do we do - day to day?"

"Describe the clients and what they need"

"Describe your programs – what you do in each of them."

"Describe the results that you see."

Everyone reports and I just keep the conversation flowing - a bit of deeper reflection from time to time - they play brilliant little riffs of improvisational mind jazz with each other - understanding unfolds and they create a new picture of who they are.

All morning the snow has been howling.

"Roads are closing" someone says.

"Bad snow squalls off Lake Huron."

"We're starting a convoy to Goderich", they say.

"Better stop for the day", she says

"Come back again and by the way, I think we'll need to change the plan again."

Which I knew.

A three hour drive turns to six as I crawl along a highway I can't see. Only white - front, back both sides, below and above. I might as well have been flying. A slow six hour drive offers a lot of reflection time. This ‘letting go’ stuff is working, I think to myself. I'm not too sure how it works, but I am getting a sense of the feeling. It's like the Chi Kung standing meditation exercise where you imagine holding a large beach ball against your chest. You imagine holding it very lightly, letting all of your muscles relax a bit and then you stay there – letting your thoughts arise and dissipate without getting involved with them. The trick is remembering that "relaxed" is not tense, but not flaccid either. It works for your mind and spirit as well as your body.

"They need two more days, but I've only got one." I think to myself.

"No problem" I say

I wrote the symphony in my head this time - no notation, no circles and no arrows. More like weaving this time. I set up the loom and they'll weave the tapestry, take it home with them and use it.

Third day. More snow threatening. You can see it in the sky.

"OK" I say

"Let's build this program model. It’s a bit complex. It has to work for you and, what's more, you are going to put it into play and make it work." I say.

They do just that - in just over half a day. The snow swirls, boils and erupts into a major storm. We stop early again, but well and truly finished. Their own tapestry of programs, team patterns and relationships.

A new team has come together - the same one, but changed - new.

"Best session ever" they say.

"Couldn't have done it without you"

"When we wrote our policy manual, we nearly tore ourselves to bits"

Nice to hear, I think, but I wasn't really there. Something working through me.

"Thanks" I say "Glad to help"